Do you love yourself?
I think it is sad that at 58 I am pondering this question. Maybe it is because it never came up. More likely it is because I'm out of touch with who I am anymore.
I would guess that being housebound for weeks at a time doesn't help me, mostly because I get very little feedback on who I am and how I behave. I do know that the last time I got close to someone, she turned on me because she decided I am a terrible mother for allowing Graham to reside with me after he turned 18. This wasn't a mommy disagreement, it was an all out war on me and it shook me to my core. I lost sight of what Graham's needs were because my former friend had me questioning every word that sprung from my lips. Months later and a lot of distance has allowed me to step back and regain the confidence that I had temporarily lost.
I don't want to be plagued with mommy guilt, nor do I want to define myself as just a mommy. That makes me uncomfortable and sad, but right now, with nothing else going wrong with my life, I feel a bit lost. I'm not sure who I am anymore, so loving myself seems like a foreign concept.
I need more in my life. I need to do something that makes me feel good. I need to be happier, the first step to loving myself. But I'm not sure how. Stumble It! JBlog Me