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Name: margalit
Location: Massachusetts, United States Professional writer, educational advocate, opinionated ultra liberal mother of 18 year old twins, living life in the slow lane due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, congestive heart failure, and diabetes.

email: margalitc at yahoo dot com

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Monday, January 03, 2011

Lazy day, lazy me

I have no daily schedule. I go to sleep when I'm tired, I wake up when I've had enough sleep, I eat when I'm hungry, nap when I'm tired, do household chores when they need doing. I'm never on the clock unless I have someplace to go during the day. Often I have no clue of what time it is, more often I'm not sure what the day and date are. More than once I've harumphed at not getting mail because I thought Sunday was another day. I float through time and space, keeping track of my day by what is on TV.

Is this what retirement looks like? I don't think of myself as retired. I still do some freelance work. Can you work and be retired?

It sometimes bothers me that my days are so unstructured. I feel as if I'm doing it wrong, that most people get up and go about their daily business starting early in the morning and end it with the news at 11.  I lived that way for years. I remember feeling tired and out of sorts from lack of enough sleep. I hated getting up in the morning. The commute to work was brutal.  In the afternoon I would be so tired I would take little naps at my desk. I remember being so wiped out one day that I fell asleep on a sofa in the hallway at work and slept soundly for hours with me colleagues laughing at me as I snored and drooled.

So now I float. I have plenty of sleep at night, I sleep in every morning, I mostly do what I want to, not what i need to do. It is a more pleasant way to live.

So why do I feel so guilty? Why do I feel the need to apologize for my rather relaxed to the max lifestyle? Why do people judge this better, kinder way to live? Is it jealousy or is it the whole puritanical thought that everyone should toil their entire lives? Am I just lazy, too lazy to dust off my pants and get back to a scheduled busy life? Or am I now living life the way it should be lived?

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