What is holding us back?
OTOH, I've been a social pariah my entire life, and I tend towards extreme introvertedness. I also have trouble with social niceties. I'm not a small talker, I'm so uncomfortable with small talk, especially in a social situation that I prefer to just not go to social situations at all. I just have no patience for my fear. It angers me, but I'm so much better than I used to be. I've agoraphobic, I've been unable to go into public spaces due to panic and excessive fear. I'm not like that anymore, but my anxiety rises to the top of my throat and my head starts aching. I'm good at lying to cover up my anxiety, but that takes so much energy that avoidance becomes my easy way out.
Tonight I asked Graham what was holding him back right now. Of course he didn't answer me, but we have to look at this because he's suffering right now. He's desperately unhappy. Of course he continues to self medicate, which we have talked about, and he refuses to take the medication that would allow him to function better. All those depressants he pours down his throat and inhales into his lungs aren't good for him, but he has to learn this on his own. Anything I say is wrong because I'm a moron according to him. He refuses to see a therapist. He refuses to get help in any manner. He has to want the help, and so far, it is a no go.
Fear is holding us both back. We need to start working on our fears individually and together. We need to help each other to move forward. I have no idea of how to start this because Graham is totally resistant to talking without becoming abusive towards me. I'm not up for the abuse, either. Ground rules need to be set. Topics need to be defined. Trust needs to be established. It all seems overwhelming, but it has to be done. Stumble It! JBlog Me